Sunday, December 14, 2008

My Birthday, or How I Spent the Night with Some Foreigners and A Batshit Crazy Russian Bitch - PART I


Dear Friends,

so I had a lovely birthday Saturday night. The celebration actually began on Friday night when I, along with my new awsome little friend Katya, set out on a mission to hunt me down some English speakers. Because damn it, I miss speaking English, and good and native as my Russian is, I get tired of sounding only half smart most of the time (a result of my not being able to completely explain myself in Russian, once we get on complicated topics such as philosophy, psychology, sociology, etc.). So there we were, on the hunt. We went to this once place that my mother swore is full of foreign students. It was. We figured this out right away based on the fact that there was a circle dance of not very attractive girls all clad in flat footwear and hooded sweatshirts. "Ugly" thought Katia. "American!" thought I, happily. Turned out the bitches were German and couldn't really speak English all that well. Then we ran into a couple of Swiss girls who were really nice, but still, I wanted someone that I wouldn't have to dumb down my English for, so the quest continued. By the way, this place was the first place where I encountered Facekontrol. As we were walking up to the place, I heard the bouncer tell a whole trove of Russians that it was a private party and he didn't invite them, so they can't come in. I walked up and asked in English if I could come in. He replied in the affirmative and did this "you're always welcome" hand gesturing. Score!


After a couple of more places that were total crapshoots in terms of native English carriers, we finally gave up and went to Chort Poberi to meet up with some of Katya's friends. When we showed up, they were all drunk and happy, and upon learning about our hunt, giddily informed me that there were definitely some foreigners in the back of the bar and that I could probably find them waiting in line for the bathroom, because that's where they seem to have spent most of the night. I went to look for them but couldn't find them. I gave up yet again. But then, just as I was on my way to the bathroom, I heard English. Beautiful, pure English! I immediately and quite literally jumped on them and screamed "so you're the foreigners!" This was met with honestly frightened faces and a response of "we're THE foreigners? wha?" Anyway, to make a long story short, I explained to them who and what I was, and about the hunt and we exchanged numbers, and they invited me to come along with them to a different bar (which I declined), and also to one of their birthday parties the very next night (which just happened to be on my birthday). Then they left. Here's a brief description of what I met:




1) Handsome tall very aryan British Tim


2) Stocky but attractive dark and scruffy New Zealander Joe


3) Super blonde Joe's Russian girlfriend Katya (obviously educated and from a nice family)


And now, without further ado, onto my actual birthday.


So Katya, (my friend, not Joe's girlfriend) and I went to Joe's birthday party together.


To be continued in the next post... Ha!

(there will be insults, and alcohol, and total Russian bitchery, oh, oh, and pizzza)




2 comments:

Oshidori said...

We figured this out right away based on the fact that there was a circle dance of not very attractive girls all clad in flat footwear and hooded sweatshirts. "Ugly" thought Katia. "American!" thought I, happily.

NOT ALL OF US ARE THAT RETARDED!!

*weep*

Plusha said...

Baby, you're about as American as I am. And anyway, we're from NYC. I meant "Americans" from like the midwest or the south. They are mostly all that retarded, and you know it.
Wait until you hear the rest of the story. It's going to be fairly mean towards the Russian ladies, just to balance shit out.