Dear Friends, after spending two weekends in a row hanging out with foreigners and being called a "bloody Yank" every five minutes, I've come to realize that while in the States, I was a Russian living in America, here, I'm an American living in Russia. Or "Yank". (Whatever British Tim, New Zealand Joe, and fucking Irish Dunna!).
It's really an odd sensation to become so painfully aware of how foreign you are in the land that birthed you. Thankfully, due to my lack of accent in Russian, most people, when first meeting me, have no idea that I've spent the last twenty years of my life living abroad.
But anyway, seeing as how I've been all gushy about how wonderful life is over here throughout the bulk of this blog, I figured that it's high time to go ahead and list a few things that I miss about my past life.
1) Jew Reminders
Because it's Hanukkah tonight, I miss being reminded of all the Jew Days. Seriously, in New York, you can't miss it because there are giant gaudy Menorahs gracing every square and corner of the city. I'm not celebrating it or anything, but still, I miss the sense of legitimacy.Here it's all "Christmas this, and Jesus that, and vodka this."
2) T.V.
Fuck, I know it's evil and everything, but I haven't watched TV in a month and a half and I miss that bitch. I even miss the anti-depressants and erectile dysfunction ads. I miss laying on my ass and watching some brainless plot-less bullshit filled with explosions and bad jokes. I'm glad that I don't have access to it, and I've finished going through withdrawal, but still, on a stay-in kind of Sunday, I miss it.
3) Being a Russian Immigrant
Yeah, I miss being a Russian immigrant. I was all exotic and shit and always had a great excuse for not knowing certain bits of information about the U.S. It's not all that much fun being an American expat and having to spend an entire evening being schooled on European geography by some U.K. bastards. (At least I finally got them on not knowing what the capital of New York state was. They were all like "New York!" and I was all like "Wrong motherfuckers!")
4) Daylight
And sunshine. This is an obvious one. No further explanation needed.
5) Large bathrooms and drivers scared shitless of pedestrians
previously mentioned so also no further explanation required.
6) Period Discussion Acceptability
Ok, I know that this is a totally retarded thing to miss, but apparently here discussing a lady's time of the month is about as unacceptable as discussing a lady's farting/shitting. This kind of attitude pisses me off a little just because those things aren't the same damn it. I mean, I don't need to walk around and discuss bloodflow every five minutes, but still, here you can't actually speak of it out loud. It's like this dirty disgusting secret thing that women have to keep to themselves. Whereas in the States, we can do jumping jacks and go skiing, and sure as fuck discuss it, all thanks to Tampax and the incredibly powers of advertisement.
You know what? I think that's it. I'm kind of amazed to be perfectly honest. I thought there would be more. Obviously, since I still don't have my own place (keeping my fingers crossed for an apartment on Millionnaya street), I miss privacy and being left alone, as well as being able to listen to music out loud (Crazy doesn't really listen to music much). But that's about it.
Last one:
7) Tea with Friends in Your own Kitchen
I miss this most of all. But I think that with the acquisition of an apartment, this can be obtained as well. I miss hanging out with friends at home. All this party/bar hopping with new acquaintances until 6 a.m. is fun, but it's not really my thing. I miss quiet time with friends where you get into long discussions about whatever into the wee hours of the morning. I haven't written about this before because this blog is pretending to be funny, and not here to depress anyone, but I guess I miss friends.
Now you all go home, and think about how lucky you are, and go get one of your friends and give them a hug or a titsqueeze or something.
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