Monday, October 25, 2010

Cannibals, Yay!

So I finally found something new to write about.

The other day I had this conversation with one of my adult Russian students (word for word transcription, nothing added or omitted):

Me: So, would anyone here ever eat a dog? I mean, dogmeat? I mean, if you were hungry enough.

Student1: No, I never will eat a dog. Why would I eat a dog? No.

Student2: Yes, I ate this once.

Me: Excuse me? You ah, you ate a dog once?

Student2: Yes, when I was in army.

(me and Student1 both stare at each other and at Student2 while blinking rapidly with our eyes).

Me: so em, why did you do this? You didn't have any other food in the army?

Student2: Yes! No food. I was verry hungrry. We all eat dog in the army.

Me: wow... (trying not to look surprised. I'm not squimish, just wasn't expecting that)

Me: Okay, next question on my "Would you ever" list is, god help me, "Would you ever eat a person?" Um, so now we're talking about human meat.

Student1: No! Never! This is disgusting! Who write these list for you?

Me: Um, I just got it off of a website for ESL conversation classes.

Student2: I would. I had a friend in army who did this.

Me: What? Sorry, did you just say that you know someone who ate a person?

Student2: Yes, my friend in arrmy, when he was in Chechnia, he eat a person.

Me: Because he was really hungry, like you with the dog, and had no food?

Student2: He was in mountains for s weeks. He was in, what do you call it, special force? And they had prisoner.

Me: So they killed their POW and ate him because they had no food for three weeks? Jesus...

Student2: No no no no no! They not kill him. They keep him alive, cut meat from his thighs and grill them and then eat them. And he watch.

Me: ?????
What the fffffffffff...

Student1: (complete fucking silence. Won't even look at Student2.)

Student2: Well, they ver angry at the prisoner. So they want to hurt him, but also, they ver hungry.

Me: okay, that's, that's it for the day. I'll see you next week. A lot of food for thought there heh-heh. Thanks Boris. Very interesting today.

Yeah, real convo. Really happened. I love Russia.