Monday, October 25, 2010

Cannibals, Yay!


So I finally found something new to write about.

The other day I had this conversation with one of my adult Russian students (word for word transcription, nothing added or omitted):

Me: So, would anyone here ever eat a dog? I mean, dogmeat? I mean, if you were hungry enough.

Student1: No, I never will eat a dog. Why would I eat a dog? No.

Student2: Yes, I ate this once.

Me: Excuse me? You ah, you ate a dog once?

Student2: Yes, when I was in army.

(me and Student1 both stare at each other and at Student2 while blinking rapidly with our eyes).

Me: so em, why did you do this? You didn't have any other food in the army?

Student2: Yes! No food. I was verry hungrry. We all eat dog in the army.

Me: wow... (trying not to look surprised. I'm not squimish, just wasn't expecting that)

Me: Okay, next question on my "Would you ever" list is, god help me, "Would you ever eat a person?" Um, so now we're talking about human meat.

Student1: No! Never! This is disgusting! Who write these list for you?

Me: Um, I just got it off of a website for ESL conversation classes.

Student2: I would. I had a friend in army who did this.

Me: What? Sorry, did you just say that you know someone who ate a person?

Student2: Yes, my friend in arrmy, when he was in Chechnia, he eat a person.

Me: Because he was really hungry, like you with the dog, and had no food?

Student2: He was in mountains for s weeks. He was in, what do you call it, special force? And they had prisoner.

Me: So they killed their POW and ate him because they had no food for three weeks? Jesus...

Student2: No no no no no! They not kill him. They keep him alive, cut meat from his thighs and grill them and then eat them. And he watch.

Me: ?????
What the fffffffffff...

Student1: (complete fucking silence. Won't even look at Student2.)

Student2: Well, they ver angry at the prisoner. So they want to hurt him, but also, they ver hungry.

Me: okay, that's, that's it for the day. I'll see you next week. A lot of food for thought there heh-heh. Thanks Boris. Very interesting today.

Yeah, real convo. Really happened. I love Russia.

6 comments:

Tennille said...

You love Russia and I love your musings, they have me laughing and deeply thinking at the same time. Thanks again xo

Plusha said...

aw, that's sweet. Thanks for checking in here from time to time. I know I don't post very often anymore, but that's just because I wait for interesting shit to post about.

Oshidori said...

Is it wrong that me and Bobby laughed our asses off at this?

Of course it would be in Chechnya. Of course.

Plusha said...

No! It's totally not wrong. I laughed my ass off when I thought it about it later too. But man, when that conversation was happening I was just like "really??? Really???? Fucking Russia!!!!"
Do you know that my most commonly occuring thought in this country is "what the fuck is wrong with these people?"
Oh, by the way, I'll be in NYC starting January 11th, and until the end of January so obvs many visits and all that. Gotta see our love child in person. :)

OmegaGX said...

wow! Just WOW!

Polina, you have got to post more often. I keep refreshing your blog waiting for new posts all the time!!

:-)

Plusha said...

Aw thanks Mike. But I need inspiration to write shit. Next post will be about yet another visit to the VD clinic. Funny story with a happy ending.