Friday, November 14, 2008

Day 9 or 10 (Or the Day I went to my Job and Finally took the Subway)

People, today was a good day. But before I get into that, let me just say this. Blyad yobonaya v rot!!! What the fuck!!! The internet was down for two days again. Now the last time, it was explained away by some drunk plowing his car into a telephone line. This has significance over here because all the internets is still dial-up. Yes good people. Dial up. So how do they explain it this time? Have they just not fully fixed it from the last time (which wouldn't surprise me at all, because this is in fact what's called 'dealing with problems with Russian efficiency), or has another cracked-out drunken gopnik, plowed into yet another ill-placed telephone line on his way back to the whore house? The phone company is keeping it a secret this time. Either way, it's not as funny the second time around.

Anyway, back to how nice my day was. I think that I've finally stopped freaking out terribly, panic wise, so the blog won't be as funny anymore, because as one of my friends put it, other people's panic is comedy to everyone else. But that's ok. I can still be informative.

I went to check out my new job today, where I'll be starting on Monday. I'll be working completely under the table for $1500 a month. That's not very much money anywhere, but at least it's tax free. During my initial meeting with my new boss, she called in the dude that I'll be replacing to talk about how he plans to train me to do his job, which he's not even getting fired from, but rather moving to the editorial department. And do you know what this little predatel says? He says "well, there's really no work right now. There's nothing to do in that position at all for the rest of the year because we haven't released any new books in a while." Basically dear friends, this little bitch is trying to get me fired before I've even started. Because even though $1500 may not seem like much, over here, given the current CRISIS (oh yeah, I'm going to caplock that shit from now on in order to distinguish it from any number of crisis that I might go through myself) it's still an assload of salary. Thanks a lot Alex, you fucking asshole. Hope I do your job way better than you did and show you out as the little incompetent bitch that you is.

On a lighter note, I finally took the subway and it's not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I had these nightmarish memories of being dragged down to one of the circles of Dante's inferno, on a super fast escalator that made my head spin. But actually it wasn't nearly as fast or as deep. (that's what she said).

Just a few more comments and we'll be all done.

1. Russian people love their tea. They also love to make everyone else drink their tea. If I see one more cup of tea, I'm going to learn whether it's actually possible to fit a tea saucer into a human anal cavity.

2. Russian women love high heels and have the magical ability to wear them out, no matter how craggly or fucked up the sidewalks are, and I'm going to have to learn to do this as well.

3.Never ever, ever, move back in with your Russian mother, in Russia. Even if she's not batshit crazy like mine is. No matter what, she is going to force you to wear that same uncomfortable outfit that you had to wear in Russia as a little girl in the winter time. The one that you could't move your arms or legs in very well. The one that scratched the shit out of your throat. Yeah... that one. And you're going to walk around like an asshole in that, while all the women around you that are not living with their moms, are dressed in pretty, high heels, tight pants, and little itty bitty jackets.

That's all for today folks, hope it wasn't too much.

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