Look at What Russia Has Turned Me Into!!!

Take a look at the picture on the right. Yes that's a bayan I'm PLAYING. Yes that's a telnyashka. Yes that's a godddamn Belomorkanal hanging out of my mouth. How the hell did this happen? I don't know. The bayan was an impromptu gift from my mother. The shirt is for warmth. And the Belomorkanal is because I'm broke and they cost 6 rubles a pack. Russia is contagious ya'll. Don't come here if you don't want to go native. It's impossible not to. You'll get Russianified.

Ok, I'm done musing regarding my transformation.

So I had a brain test done yesterday. An EEG. It was actually way more pleasant than I thought it would be, based on my previous experience with this particular test. But the entire time that I was in there, I was kicking myself for not having brought my camera. You guys should have seen this place. It was something straight out of DeSade's secret torture room. The room was a square. The walls were upholstered with dark brown leather that was held together by gold studs. I was told to sit in what looked suspiciously like an electric chair. Once I was strapped in, the doctor put this contraption on my head (not like in the U.S. where they just attach the wires directly to your head with some sort of sticky goo), and proceeded to attach the wires to the contraption. The thing held my chin in place, so I was only able to moo at the doctor. By the time she got around to rubbing my wrists with alcohol-soaked gauze and then wrapping them in brown leather belts, I began to feel like I'd been tricked, and am actually here for electric shock therapy. I asked the doctor why the hell she was binding my wrists with belts and did she expect me to make a getaway or something. Her response was "Oh, it's for the thing." Very reassuring. Is the thing by any chance the running of a certain amount of voltage through my body without my permission? They do shit like that here you know. This is Russia after all. But then, she just flashed what amounted to a really weak camera flash in my face, and the test was over. I still wish I had had my camera with me. Seriously.

Instead I had my camera with me for this bullshit. It's a statue that's mounted on the wall right outside of my building. I don't know who this bitch is, or what she's looking at, or why she's so depressed, but I figured I'd snap a shot for posterity's sake.

Alright, that's all I've got for today. The fiasco with doctors and pills and freakouts is finally over and I can get on with living in this still frozen hell.